Ah Mary the pants are falling off the economy!!

The main issue in this blog is a warning going out to everyone about a film that goes by the name of The Southland Tales. If you value your sanity or just dont wanna feel like ur brain was just raped then do not watch it DO NOT!!

1. "I'm A pimp and pimps dont commit suicide" I should explain this in case its ever used as part of a smear campiagn if I run for president.. The southland tales seemed to emphasise it then again the film has no point.

2. Gawd stop bringing out Will ferrell movies. Will Ferrell in hilarious sporting situation, Will ferrell in slightly more crude sports comedy, Will Ferrel in another potentially funny situation but with same jokes as aforementioned sport types. Just stop.

3. And so I launch my stop Will Ferrell from destroying his credibility campaign. STOP!!! Every three seconds Will ferrell makes a clone comedy movie. Please donate gernerously and lets see some diversity.

4. Strawberrys and cream as posh as they maybe are fucking delicious!! like omg they are focking amaaazing.

5. To all of the joe soaps out there debating our current economic crisis I offer you an ultimatum.
Go and become an economist with some credibility or SHUT UP!!!! I cannot stand people in the post office such as mary and nancy from just past the shop there debating the ins and outs of our economy. "ahh mary sure they dont know what its like, they have never had it as bad as we did, and sure people still have to but houses mary it will bounce back, its all a cycle you see" "ah your right nancy, sure house prices were over inflated like a balloon about to burst you know". Like well done you watch the news and can repeat it in a post office but please fuck off telling me how to solve the latest economic crisises and cliaing us young uns cat and wont handle it. This is a sensitive issue for me..

6. On a similar note post office television news is ridicously vague to the extent of making itself pointless. For example a headline read " company loses 1 billion" no joke. like what company? Where? why? 1 billion what? Its essentially like saying "man dies". Way too vague mate.

7. Chicken balls are good shit!

8. And heres the last point of this weeks installment (by the way this blog is not weekly they are written spoaridaically) I got a new phone and damn is it smooth. To all of you out there with a nokia 5300 (bit of advertising kerching) *similar phone high 5.

The chemically named festival and kstyling

I'm aware that these blogs will appear everywhere such as "ohh oxegen was so good" and "quotes from oxegen" but oh well ill confirm my own sterotype.

1.Oisin and myself were lying in our tent talking shit at about half three in the morning but definately not able to sleep when we heard a gentleman remark "ya fecking pelican". Quotes such as these are senseless yet priceless. Thus confirming my belief that eavesdropping drunk people is justified just to hear the shit they come up with. Press x to eavesdrop and complete mission (thats for you ushbag).

2. The Zutons may just be my new big band of the month....not that i usually have a big band of the month or anything but you know.. also they have a sexamaphone i.e a hot saxist!!

3. The prodigy are old man!! they is some angry poppin grandads "where are my irish voodoo people?where are my irish brudas?". God damn prodigy shut up and get on with ur repetitve laptop beats (space bar,spacebar,spacebar,shift,remix)

4. For a skanky three piece pop band Sugababes had some mosh!! If youve ever wondered why women are second class citizens well then just have a look at the sugababes and youll understand. IN particular the video for Push the button.

5. I am personally starting a campaign against the way that sardines are packed too tightly in their tins after the kings of leon cos I know just how they feel.

6. Karl* sets up oisin with nice looking nordy girl as he is a skillful wingman*
Oisin: *kindly accepts and dances with her*
Nordy girl:* attempts to score oisin*
Oisin* dodges skillfully*
Karl: man why did you do that?
Oisin: I thought she was fat man! she felt pudgy.
Karl: But she wasnt, what do you need, to measure her waist size??

7. Rage against the machine are so good at the whole live thing...fuck it....AMAZINGGG!!!!!

8.Tents are sweatboxes!!!

Stoner sessions in my front garden.

Hopefully my catchy title has got your attention with people saying such things as "ohh bit of drugs" and the like.


1. Watching clouds go by while listening to the kooks can have varied results. Here is the thought process I had.... "hmm that kinda looks like a girraffe, wait no more of a mushroom ohh that is a cool mushroom, and theres a tree woah it looks like theres a panther on it there, woah!!!that cloud looks really like a..no it is an actual plane!". Anyway cloud watching is a definaate for killing an hour in my opinion.





2. People should really stop going on about oxegen on msn and bebo. We know its on, its mass advertised, I have my ticket just stop going "OXEGEN IN 5 DAYS 10 HOURS AND 3 MINS 5 SECS, 10 MILLISECS. ME TOO?" yes me too but I dont need to publically declare the fact.





3.You might wanna take a receipt cos that might just be too funky for you. I thought that up today and if I ever get into a funk band im gonna write more of those ridicoulous nfunkliners. Like hmm I dunno you might collapse its quite funky.





4.Working at the docks for Jimmy.





5. I think it would be quite funny to start engaging in small talk with the self service machines in tesco and when someone says "excuse me what are you doing?" just ignore them and say to the machine "can you believe this guy?"



6. Its amazing how a three day long festival can completely take over a town.Its like a norman invasion or something. By this I mean how Oxegen dominates Naas like a fatcat with a fetish for not being in control as he is normally everyday. Apparently when oxegen is on Naas becomes the 5th largest town in Ireland!



7. Unlike Kill chipper, m and s white cookies never get old ..ghroom*morphs into cookie monster*



8. The Mr.Men books should be a new form of religion. They preach morals but without the whole bullshit of the old testament and Mr.Bump's accident prone lifestyle proves to be quite amusing hmm yes quite *smokes cigar in a smoking robe*



9. I dont usually get to number 9.



10. Mardec seriously needs a purchasing manager because managing stock here is like playing tetris.

Things that dont actually matter

1.your positon on peoples top 16.most likely like mine its just howeva bebo arranges it anyway why the hell does it matter?lack of self esteem?lack of actual awareness to know if someone likes you?get real!

2.your profile views.again for fucks sakes are actually that insecure that you need the reassurance of a number to boost your confidence?

3.how your hair looks(killian!!!!!)god kil it doesnt matter.hehe only joking had to get it in there though.

4.homework!

5.bus eireann time tables.the bus will be late rgardless of how many differnt time tables you check.if you ring up to complain youll conviniantly find that the whole complaints department are on vacation.also the bus drivers are deliberately late as they are just dikheads

6.if you specify no spit in your abrakebabra.theyll do it anyway.

7.where you buy your clthes.my gawd like it doesnt matter if they are from pennies or heatons like cmon would you rather pay 500 euro for a nike tracksuit from arnotts or get it for 5 in heatons?anyway most mad douva pricey tracksuits are bought in town behind the ilac centre for a fiver of two old sketchy hags.

8.how many x's you put in a text:apparently in my friends school there are actually rules about how many x's u put in a txt.like wat?not only is this retarded and downright crazy but the people that follow them....where are their own minds?hooked up to the shepard no doubt..3 x's mean u like them a ig x then a small x then a big one is gay?how i dunno...and more then 10 is obsessive.ohn yeahh hitting the x button witout looking thats obsessive...god retards!!

Ive even grown to like karl

well yes everyone will have one and yes its done to death but here are the kickest of all ass quotes from sweden hooooraaahhh!!!

Dan and Will:thanks alot bjorn you were a ledgend.Bjorn:yes i like you alot too dan and will you are good skier....i have even grown to like karl.

Me:evil overlord bjorn of slope verdromen.

sean:lads look!we got a bible!all:awwww its the new testement

Conor:that was a good shower woops left my flip flops in thereLiam:did you leave your balls in there aswell?

at the quiz..q9:what is the smallest bone in the body
Me:lukes penis ohhhhhhhhhq

2:what is aracnophobia a fear of?
all:a fear of iraq americas got it ohhhhhh

our team name was test-icicles hehe

everyone nextdoor was making noise so we sent conor to sort it out...
Me:go on conor go and make them shutup be a man
sean:yeah go beat someone up
conor: ohh fine then*knock knock*
conor: oh my god will you like shut the fuck up!(said in gayest conor voice)

me:wow swedens economy is run by 30 people!

all:my gawd all they do is cut down trees,mine,eat mcdonalds and drive volvos!

mr.d:how many religion teachers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?all:how many?mr.d:100, 1 to screw in the light bulb and 99 to share the experience

dave: ok now we will yump.
Me:wat the fuck?
dave:yump...*points at ski jump*
all:you mean jump dave...muppet

29 people on a ski slope:woah black betty bam a lam woah black betty bam a lam

dan,will,sean and I:and ill have a small,a SMALL chocolate shake as im tyrn to watch my figure

janine and racheal:karl ill give you 500 krona to dance on miss kelly

Me at the disco:do the snowplough!!!

what a cool ass country and the best trip ever!!

OMG its gone too far

for f sake man abbreviaitions have gone too far.
I can live with ttyl and btw mayb even gtg but bmb?WHAT THE FUCK IS BMB??????

here are some of my assumptions:

1.Bananna my bebo? why not its raonnndom enuf for the little thicks.

2.bum my bak? well that was just to be prvocative

3.bushy male behind?well it is funny

4.be my babez? theres more "lingo" i hate. hunz bunz love yaz over use of z'z cos they feel neglected from lak of actual use.chikn?wtf!!!!but it was brought to my attention that it means bebo me back which is even sadder my gawd i t it time 4 me to kl myslf ttyl gtg brb omg bmw aib etc. even etc. is a fuckin abbrev.

Im aware this is very similar to the formerly critically acclaimed masterpiece that was bryans blog but since ush and sean reckon im just a copy of bryan i decided thats its ok for me to have one...

If you listen to Jimi hendrix while commuting it feels like an episode of becker.

Do you remember blind date?remeber that show where minging englings went on tv for the chance of winning a holiday (usually to alicante or some other sweaty beer fest island) and just acted really slutty to get the person to pick them?man that was a great show.the height of tv entertainment because when theyve picked their minger the show puts two models in replacement of the other mingers and the look of dissapointment was alwyas priceless..."wait you mean one of them was rachael hunter?but my first question was are you rachael hunter and i got a no"then oh yeah im not done here.the couple come back from their holiday and cilla would bear her chompers(which looked like the ones u wind up and chatter) and say "well love how did you get on?" the guy would always dig the chik out of sheer lack of self esteem and a chance at love and then the private camera would reveal the girl saying "yeah he was a real nice guy,more of a friend though" "did u enjoy it though?" "well i slept with two other guys so yeah" then the camera switched to the guys face and a slow motion pic would show his heart breaking.CLASSIC! orrr u get the guy who pretends to not care and once he thinks the cameras off starts to tear the place apart with cilla miocking him to get him to go on..and finally youd have cilla ask "well did yous kiss" and both would kinda llok awkward and stare at their shoes like 12 year olds and say yeahhh...cue the awwww....great great entertainment

youll notice that differnt songs provide different results while tea making.this kinda ended u as an experiment for me so ill present it in that form

Title: To prove that funky ass beats of different natures are directly proportional to change in tea making

Results:

Rage aginst the machine: results in large tea spillage and burns from extreme head bopping

The kooks:Increase moral and ensure sugars are remembered

The chemical brothers:increase productivity due to fast beats.

Pink floyd: slows tea making by 500% because of prog nature and general slowness.

My chemical romance:no tea as it results in suicide.

one of my new ironys is that i saw a curves (gym) bench at every turn in wicklow.surely they should be encouraging you to walk not sit no?

Bus drivers are unneedfully suspicious. ME: one childs ticket please!Driver: what age are you?date of birth?last thing you ate etc.

Muse are actually ok...

The metro is a fantastic source for chat up lines and bar conversation...so i read today that eh a man ate 4000 loolipops for a world record!who doest want to hear that?thats just impressive!

I love sprite ads but i dont like the drink is this effective advertising or not?

why do people put full stops afer question marks?theres one attached at the bottom

spaghetti is a slippy demonWhats the plural of luas?racing the bus is a satisfying feeling!

Excercise actually puts me in a good ood looks like im not a fat man in a skinny mans body after all

People use smilies too much to convey emotion..ever think of using them ancient symbols with meanings? thats words im on about.

daft punk maybe stoners and general wasters but hey if they can make funky ass jams like that then hand me a joint and ill quit my job..

fitlinxx: the one pc that doesnt make u fat.

the difference in food quality by two euro is incredible.

You know your food is cheap when it can defy gravity and when ur mash potatoes are actually liquid.

Skirts cause wayyyyy too much hassle for the common joe soap