Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Expiry dates,pretentiousness and full grown men in prams

how am i supposed to type with no light, light when you ain there, no light no light. Enough pop puns and shennigans lets get down to business like Persopolis does in the first five pages. No im not gonna explicitly lay down a heartbraking depiction of my countrys turmoil. Ok so its not like Persopolis. Whatev!! So over him gosh!!

1.I find that the date on the milk bottle is a good indicator of how long I have left to do something. In some ways this can make breakfast as terrifying as the prospect of being forced to watch greys anatomy or Sex and the city. I often find myself at the fridge going "ah fuck it cant be nearly time for the milk to expire on the 30th nooo". finding out that your milk is going to expire and that you have an exam is never a good combination.

2. Tv3 what happened? seriously you used to know you were terrible when you ran documentaries on such issues as "look my kid is fatter than an elephant" and " My mother is a prostitute". But now oh now Tv3 you have asserted a new more respectful pretentious looking facade for your bigus tv. Its like calling a stripclub a Gentlemans club...Its still a stripclub..

3. IN reality I dont think I hate bus eireann. Its warm, it takes me home and gives me tonnes of blog material. Jumping johavas witnesses batman what have i said?? In my defense when I wrote this one i was listening to orchestra and it was a lovely sunny day. To balance things out ill kidnap a Driver and his family.. these threats are going to get me into trouble one day...

4. Have you ever gone to see a film and when you come out you think to yourself "yeah but if that had just happened instead it would hvae been great". Frost/Nixon had this effect on me. I was praying for the character development Praying but alas none came forth..I Do film studies in Trinity huhuhuh sorry heather..

5. The diehard Quadrilogy (even quadrilogy is more manly than trilogy)is so manly and rewatchsble. With tits, killing and slick lines like " NO fucking shit lady, Do I sound like IM trying to order a fucking pizza?" they are just classics.

6. This one goes out to my homeboy in the pram on Grafton Street. Focking total ledge. He said if i pushed him down to the molly malone statue hed give me a bannnana and he did. A man of his word and of freaky arty ideas clearly but a legebd none the less.

7. Do you want to try and look sexy in a 1970s style jumper that looks like your mother picked it out for you along with its matching scarf. Do you want to splash out a ridicolous amount of money on a shit pullover that is so useless that you may as well wear less clothing to feel warmer? Well then Farell and Brown is the place for you. Pretentious wankers...

8. My 14 adventure day plan is running smoothly with a drinking sesh, trip to Galway., cinem trip, friend revival (ash and rach) and dart adventure already secured. This are some productive ass days.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Babies on acid and bikes? Bad combination.

It seems that people will do anything to avoid study. Procrastination always invoves the most stupid and ridicoulous distractions. Things that you would never do, simply because they are too crazy or are actually more boring than studying ironically. I have inevitably fallen into this category..

1.I never thhought prog rock could be happy or funky for that matter. I always believed it involved death screamers or boring shites talking about pretentious issues over eally slow and boring music. then I found Battles and it was like entering a Baptist church in America. Getting pulled in, wanting more, spekaing in tongues (well thats just how the lyrics actually sound) and praying for more. I am actually rocking back and forward in funk spasms.

2. I Was in the homeland of Hurling. I took over a castle, played hurling with DJ Carey, and had a quality pint of guiness and settled down in Supermacs for cheap cheeseburgers. Where was I? Only Kilkenny. VOted best Irish town to go to, to experience Irish roadtripping. This was brought to you by Discover Ireland. Mo chroi sa bheal and other shit irish sayings no one else understands but are there for cultural reasons.

3. 3 Days is the max I can go without shaving before I look like a dirty hobo..Sorry before I look MORE like a dirty hobo.

4. I am sick of electric woodblock in R'n'B dance music. Timbaland did it so it must be cool. Just get a new instrument to electrify. Electric banjo...that would go well in the next rihanna hit single.

5. Why do Eurobabys and Eurocycles have drum and Base madness in their ads? Its as if they think babies are acid heads already. "Ohh bhoyz Eurobaby is da fuckin bomb man, they play fuckin deadly rave and they fixed me stabilisers. Wicked man!" Babies on acid and bikes is just a bad mix. Think of the havoc. Sweetstores would be hit the worst of course but.. MY GAWD!!!

6. Finding the motivation to study Motivation is quite difficult. I found this particularly funny.

7. CASTLEDERMOT MUST DIE!! Its inhabitants and all, just bomb the shit over it and start again..WITH A MOTORWAY. The whole route to kilkenny? Sweet motorway..untill you get to castledermot then your crawling for 20 mins at 10 kmh and have retard female drivers cutting you up only to park ten feet from where she was already parked. Red button please..

8. My laptop is sweet and I love the little thing but gawd I wish it would stop giving me chronic bac ache. I feel about 70.

Edit: I dont know why I used so much CAPSLOCK this time.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Bachelors, German cookies and Foetuses!

Well now that I have my claim to fame after meeting Dermot Whelan and since Im almost a minor celebrity thanks to the Mr.North gig, I am going to quit writing blogs and retire. Then I will find some amazing journalist to write my autobiography and add in things that would make my life more interesting... Well thats what I would do if i was a Z list like any WAG..

1.This one may come across as quite weird but all these hip new party ideas are almost as strange...FOETUS PARTYS!! This is where you lie naked in the middle of the room with loads of your friends in the foetal position with tubing attched to your stomach listening to fast paced music rocking back and forward.. I can see it becoming popular..

2. You know the way everyone that has one of those words at which they just laugh at whenever they hear it? Well mine is snooping. hehe i love the word snooping!! It also brings back good memories of snoopy, ah the misfortunate large nosed puppy.

3. I hate clubs! Oh the sexyness. oh the girls with juicy written across their ass. GENERAL PROVACITIVENESS. Ah bhoyz im going clubbin tonight gonna get me hole yeow!! No no your not your in a club. the girls are just being overly flirty and what are you going to do bring them back to your mas gaf? Fuck sake. And then theres the fact that every club is a sweat box. Sweatier than a 32 stone man's underflaps.

4. This weeks commuting related topic is commutin headaches. Headaches you get just from the actual commuting process. The noisy engine, the shaky bus, the peoples headphones blasting, the stress of bus Eireann. At this stage I could be considered a panadol junkie.

5. This months song of the month award (no actual award will be given) goes to Presidents of The U.S.A for their song peaches. None as that annoying band that bring out one hit wonders, kinda like fountains of wayne in that way, these noble politicians have brought us a song about peaches. A funk hoe down about peaches and only peaches, well they get my vote.

6. Recently when watching Prime Time during the christmas holiday I imagined sanat being interviewed by Miriam O Callaghan on Prime Time. The following is my imaginery transcript:

Miriam: Well Santa thanks for being here in studio with us, I know your very busy of late. A recent Prime Time investigation though has found some problems at the north pole. The working rights of your Elves cam under particualr scrutiny. What would you say in respionse?
Santa: Well *takes drag from cigar* Id say you aint got much evidence Lady and your a step away from being on the naughty list
Miriam: Yes but is isnt it true that they have been known to work 36 hours wihout a break or lunch
Santa: I take great offence to that. Anyway my brothers at Nike outsource mty labour for me, so its not exactly my problem.
Miriam: ok ok well anta another re occurence seems to be the question of your actual existence
Santa: In fairness If im right here...
Miraim: *Generally shouts down santa in typical Miriam style.
Santa: Well if I could just make the key point that..
Miriam: I sorry thats all we have time for because I always have to finish the show with the upper hand. Thanks for watching I have been an arrogant bitch. goodnight

7. If christmas time rolls around next year and your not feling too festive then make sure you make some german cookies and decorate them indivudually. Now thats festive fun!

8. I find the way people deliver christmas cards to their neighbours quite hilarious. Its such a secret affair. People dress up in ninja suits and hop over their nieghbours wall,crwl up to the leter box and push it in just so gently BANG. Shit the letterbox slammed Scarper!! Like why the secrecy? You live next door to them they know who you are plus once they read the card well again they will know who you are. Its not like theres anthrax in them or something....

9. Last night I made dinner for myslef and my mother and then sat in watching a film with her. Im not looking for an aww here. The point is I felt like a 40 year old bachelor living in his mothers house. Soon Ill be internet dating and inventing new cereals oh gawd.

And thats all for this fun filled festive installment. I dont usuaully do conclusions, this is new for me, Im so nervous!

EDIT: Why does blogspot say that I post my blogs at like 2.50 A.M its 11.45 A.M. Thanks for making me look like a sad insomniac all this time blogspot.