Saturday, January 3, 2009

Bachelors, German cookies and Foetuses!

Well now that I have my claim to fame after meeting Dermot Whelan and since Im almost a minor celebrity thanks to the Mr.North gig, I am going to quit writing blogs and retire. Then I will find some amazing journalist to write my autobiography and add in things that would make my life more interesting... Well thats what I would do if i was a Z list like any WAG..

1.This one may come across as quite weird but all these hip new party ideas are almost as strange...FOETUS PARTYS!! This is where you lie naked in the middle of the room with loads of your friends in the foetal position with tubing attched to your stomach listening to fast paced music rocking back and forward.. I can see it becoming popular..

2. You know the way everyone that has one of those words at which they just laugh at whenever they hear it? Well mine is snooping. hehe i love the word snooping!! It also brings back good memories of snoopy, ah the misfortunate large nosed puppy.

3. I hate clubs! Oh the sexyness. oh the girls with juicy written across their ass. GENERAL PROVACITIVENESS. Ah bhoyz im going clubbin tonight gonna get me hole yeow!! No no your not your in a club. the girls are just being overly flirty and what are you going to do bring them back to your mas gaf? Fuck sake. And then theres the fact that every club is a sweat box. Sweatier than a 32 stone man's underflaps.

4. This weeks commuting related topic is commutin headaches. Headaches you get just from the actual commuting process. The noisy engine, the shaky bus, the peoples headphones blasting, the stress of bus Eireann. At this stage I could be considered a panadol junkie.

5. This months song of the month award (no actual award will be given) goes to Presidents of The U.S.A for their song peaches. None as that annoying band that bring out one hit wonders, kinda like fountains of wayne in that way, these noble politicians have brought us a song about peaches. A funk hoe down about peaches and only peaches, well they get my vote.

6. Recently when watching Prime Time during the christmas holiday I imagined sanat being interviewed by Miriam O Callaghan on Prime Time. The following is my imaginery transcript:

Miriam: Well Santa thanks for being here in studio with us, I know your very busy of late. A recent Prime Time investigation though has found some problems at the north pole. The working rights of your Elves cam under particualr scrutiny. What would you say in respionse?
Santa: Well *takes drag from cigar* Id say you aint got much evidence Lady and your a step away from being on the naughty list
Miriam: Yes but is isnt it true that they have been known to work 36 hours wihout a break or lunch
Santa: I take great offence to that. Anyway my brothers at Nike outsource mty labour for me, so its not exactly my problem.
Miriam: ok ok well anta another re occurence seems to be the question of your actual existence
Santa: In fairness If im right here...
Miraim: *Generally shouts down santa in typical Miriam style.
Santa: Well if I could just make the key point that..
Miriam: I sorry thats all we have time for because I always have to finish the show with the upper hand. Thanks for watching I have been an arrogant bitch. goodnight

7. If christmas time rolls around next year and your not feling too festive then make sure you make some german cookies and decorate them indivudually. Now thats festive fun!

8. I find the way people deliver christmas cards to their neighbours quite hilarious. Its such a secret affair. People dress up in ninja suits and hop over their nieghbours wall,crwl up to the leter box and push it in just so gently BANG. Shit the letterbox slammed Scarper!! Like why the secrecy? You live next door to them they know who you are plus once they read the card well again they will know who you are. Its not like theres anthrax in them or something....

9. Last night I made dinner for myslef and my mother and then sat in watching a film with her. Im not looking for an aww here. The point is I felt like a 40 year old bachelor living in his mothers house. Soon Ill be internet dating and inventing new cereals oh gawd.

And thats all for this fun filled festive installment. I dont usuaully do conclusions, this is new for me, Im so nervous!

EDIT: Why does blogspot say that I post my blogs at like 2.50 A.M its 11.45 A.M. Thanks for making me look like a sad insomniac all this time blogspot.


Conor said...

this way we can commit crimes and make it look like we were blogging when the murders happened. genius! see, it's actually 12.40 but ten hours ago i was committing a murder so now i've got an alibi. provided they don't read what i've just posted. hmm.

the big kdizzle said...

yeah but even that comment was left at 4.41 am leaving you free to commmit another murder!also with laptops technically you could blog and murder simulatnoeusly. theres a csi episode in there somewhere

Nizzy said...

haha ah the Germna cookies really were great to decorate. espesh when yoo're SOO competitive!! cheeky monkey..

haha SNOOPING!!! i remember the day i said that and yoo were like, "thats the best word ever!!" ohh karl, yoo is funny