Saturday, November 22, 2008

Begging,Obesity and fantastic sayings!

Well Kiddies its time for another grand look at the social scenes I observe everyday. Hit it DJ mad scone!

1. Internet Explorer Cannot Display The Page:

The most likely reasons for this are:

(a) Internet explorer is wayy too lazy to open the page for you.

(b) You are in a rush and Internet Explorer knows this therefore is trying to make you late.

(c) Your name is Karl Purcell and Internet Explorer simply doesnt like you

(d) You are trying to download Mozilla in order to delete Internet Explorer.

2. Why do Chineses always have a TV?

3.You know your getting fat when jiggling your thigh is a form of entertainment. There are also many other ways to know your getting fat such as using your stomach as a can holder and when your xxl tshirts are more like belly tops. But the thigh jiggle is by far the most shocking and stark.

4. I quite enjoy getting a seat to myself on the bus, to the extent that I have developed techniques to ensure I get a whole seat.

(a) There is the over used and not so effective bag gesture, by which you place your bag on the seat as if your bag needed a seat of its own.
(b) There is the angry look. To get the full effect you wait till you make eye contact with the other passenger and then look threatingly at them, they wont sit down now and if they do? well...
(c) One of the most effective but also effective at getting you kicked off is the crazy person look. If you sit in your seat and mumble things, proclaim some things louder than others, and rock back and forward you are guarenteed a seat..however your almost guarenteed to be pulled off by the guards...

5. This one goes out to the man listening to Master Of Puppets at full volume on the luas yesterday morning at 9 a.m. "MASTER!! MASTER!! WANKA!! WANKA!! Seriously save your ears and save my sanity and stop playing your music that loud. It is NOT sharing.

6. If one more begger asks more for money when im getting on the luas they will get an express journey tied to the bottom of the luas with their face exposed to the tracks.

7. This one is an oisin input (have to put this in for copyright issues in the future). Metro and Herald A.M girls that are hot, good job. If you can look hot in a massive blue or red bubble jacket then fair play.

8. Castlewarden is irrelevant.

9." A legend in his own lunch box". Probably the best comment made by a 35 year old customer about Rory Gallagher ever. Im not even quite sure what it means but I am going to use it as much as possible until it becomes one of those classic sayings like as bold as brass. Again makes no sense but people know what you mean.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

The Dangers of the modern newspaper boy..and BELGIUM LESBIANS!

Its true I did consider as taking the belgium lesbians as the picture for this one but you know...tastefulness and all that

1. The men and women who sell newspapers on your local motorways put their life at risk everday. The DANGER of walking up and down between angry motorists all day, think about it they are heroes. They must be pretty slick, "hey babe I work on the side of a motorway...i know sometimes I do get scared...I think you and me should go make the headlines" You just know thats what they do after work.

2. To continue on the subject of those who sell papers, they must be geniuses with super current up to date knowledge as they spend their life with papers in their hand. Its time we rerouted the knowledge economy, it is time for the rising of the NEWS VENDORS!!!! well actually they are all usually foreign and cant even read the paper so my theory may have a few flaws.

3. Something else really getting on my nerves lately is the fact that rappers cannot shut the fuck up!! Once they have rapped their little bit, instead of letting the singer get on with it they are

throwing uin "uhs, yeahs, whats, okays" at any given time.

4. Me getting on bus: Hey can I have a student return ticket please?

Bus Eireann driver: Student ID?

Me: Its right there.

Driver: Theres actually no student fare.

ME: hold on *takes out offer detailing student fares.

Driver: Machine is broke.

Me: Prick(whispered)..whatever

Bus Eireann you have finally crossed the line. Just you wait until I make a remake of the film Speed but for real with a bus full of your drivers and directors just you wait...

5. Lately I have been having some pretty disturbing thought processes. I need to clarify before I start that I didnt and wouldnt do any of them and secondly I have common sense.

(a) Sitting on the bus on the way home beside a typical office working 30 or so woman I began to think hmm I could just slap her iif I wanted to. She wasnt annoying me or anything. I thought yeah I could just raise my hand and slap her one. I thought about it for a second and then stopped and realised what I had just considered. Scary though.

(b) In Cineworld on the top floor I considered the idea of jumping over the railing to the bottom floor. Not in a suicidal way just thinkning that the only thing actually stopping me was a tiny part of brain called common sense. It was a scary thought, what would happen if one day I just didnt consider it.

Anyway the point of this is that spending too much time commuting on your own makes you way too introspective and probably would drive you insane.

6. IMPORTANT IRISH VERB(never thought id write that): Ag Sioba= drifting. Oh yes! Chuamar go dti ag sioba. Buachailli!!!!

7. I now unfortunately consider myself a Halo nerd. I came third in a couple of deathmatches in college against proper halo nerds so...

8. Liking the Ting Tings is shameful but they are just so damn funky.

9. This blog is very serious....PENIS!!

10. Pot Luck is a savage film. However UCD French teachers dont know how to market it right to students. "oh you should come along it will improve your french" Cue the empty lecture hall. What they should have said "cmon its a film about an uptight student taking up smoking pot and has Belgium Lesbians." That is how you market a film baby!