Babies on acid and bikes? Bad combination.

It seems that people will do anything to avoid study. Procrastination always invoves the most stupid and ridicoulous distractions. Things that you would never do, simply because they are too crazy or are actually more boring than studying ironically. I have inevitably fallen into this category..

1.I never thhought prog rock could be happy or funky for that matter. I always believed it involved death screamers or boring shites talking about pretentious issues over eally slow and boring music. then I found Battles and it was like entering a Baptist church in America. Getting pulled in, wanting more, spekaing in tongues (well thats just how the lyrics actually sound) and praying for more. I am actually rocking back and forward in funk spasms.

2. I Was in the homeland of Hurling. I took over a castle, played hurling with DJ Carey, and had a quality pint of guiness and settled down in Supermacs for cheap cheeseburgers. Where was I? Only Kilkenny. VOted best Irish town to go to, to experience Irish roadtripping. This was brought to you by Discover Ireland. Mo chroi sa bheal and other shit irish sayings no one else understands but are there for cultural reasons.

3. 3 Days is the max I can go without shaving before I look like a dirty hobo..Sorry before I look MORE like a dirty hobo.

4. I am sick of electric woodblock in R'n'B dance music. Timbaland did it so it must be cool. Just get a new instrument to electrify. Electric banjo...that would go well in the next rihanna hit single.

5. Why do Eurobabys and Eurocycles have drum and Base madness in their ads? Its as if they think babies are acid heads already. "Ohh bhoyz Eurobaby is da fuckin bomb man, they play fuckin deadly rave and they fixed me stabilisers. Wicked man!" Babies on acid and bikes is just a bad mix. Think of the havoc. Sweetstores would be hit the worst of course but.. MY GAWD!!!

6. Finding the motivation to study Motivation is quite difficult. I found this particularly funny.

7. CASTLEDERMOT MUST DIE!! Its inhabitants and all, just bomb the shit over it and start again..WITH A MOTORWAY. The whole route to kilkenny? Sweet motorway..untill you get to castledermot then your crawling for 20 mins at 10 kmh and have retard female drivers cutting you up only to park ten feet from where she was already parked. Red button please..

8. My laptop is sweet and I love the little thing but gawd I wish it would stop giving me chronic bac ache. I feel about 70.

Edit: I dont know why I used so much CAPSLOCK this time.

Bachelors, German cookies and Foetuses!

Well now that I have my claim to fame after meeting Dermot Whelan and since Im almost a minor celebrity thanks to the Mr.North gig, I am going to quit writing blogs and retire. Then I will find some amazing journalist to write my autobiography and add in things that would make my life more interesting... Well thats what I would do if i was a Z list like any WAG..

1.This one may come across as quite weird but all these hip new party ideas are almost as strange...FOETUS PARTYS!! This is where you lie naked in the middle of the room with loads of your friends in the foetal position with tubing attched to your stomach listening to fast paced music rocking back and forward.. I can see it becoming popular..

2. You know the way everyone that has one of those words at which they just laugh at whenever they hear it? Well mine is snooping. hehe i love the word snooping!! It also brings back good memories of snoopy, ah the misfortunate large nosed puppy.

3. I hate clubs! Oh the sexyness. oh the girls with juicy written across their ass. GENERAL PROVACITIVENESS. Ah bhoyz im going clubbin tonight gonna get me hole yeow!! No no your not your in a club. the girls are just being overly flirty and what are you going to do bring them back to your mas gaf? Fuck sake. And then theres the fact that every club is a sweat box. Sweatier than a 32 stone man's underflaps.

4. This weeks commuting related topic is commutin headaches. Headaches you get just from the actual commuting process. The noisy engine, the shaky bus, the peoples headphones blasting, the stress of bus Eireann. At this stage I could be considered a panadol junkie.

5. This months song of the month award (no actual award will be given) goes to Presidents of The U.S.A for their song peaches. None as that annoying band that bring out one hit wonders, kinda like fountains of wayne in that way, these noble politicians have brought us a song about peaches. A funk hoe down about peaches and only peaches, well they get my vote.

6. Recently when watching Prime Time during the christmas holiday I imagined sanat being interviewed by Miriam O Callaghan on Prime Time. The following is my imaginery transcript:

Miriam: Well Santa thanks for being here in studio with us, I know your very busy of late. A recent Prime Time investigation though has found some problems at the north pole. The working rights of your Elves cam under particualr scrutiny. What would you say in respionse?
Santa: Well *takes drag from cigar* Id say you aint got much evidence Lady and your a step away from being on the naughty list
Miriam: Yes but is isnt it true that they have been known to work 36 hours wihout a break or lunch
Santa: I take great offence to that. Anyway my brothers at Nike outsource mty labour for me, so its not exactly my problem.
Miriam: ok ok well anta another re occurence seems to be the question of your actual existence
Santa: In fairness If im right here...
Miraim: *Generally shouts down santa in typical Miriam style.
Santa: Well if I could just make the key point that..
Miriam: I sorry thats all we have time for because I always have to finish the show with the upper hand. Thanks for watching I have been an arrogant bitch. goodnight

7. If christmas time rolls around next year and your not feling too festive then make sure you make some german cookies and decorate them indivudually. Now thats festive fun!

8. I find the way people deliver christmas cards to their neighbours quite hilarious. Its such a secret affair. People dress up in ninja suits and hop over their nieghbours wall,crwl up to the leter box and push it in just so gently BANG. Shit the letterbox slammed Scarper!! Like why the secrecy? You live next door to them they know who you are plus once they read the card well again they will know who you are. Its not like theres anthrax in them or something....

9. Last night I made dinner for myslef and my mother and then sat in watching a film with her. Im not looking for an aww here. The point is I felt like a 40 year old bachelor living in his mothers house. Soon Ill be internet dating and inventing new cereals oh gawd.

And thats all for this fun filled festive installment. I dont usuaully do conclusions, this is new for me, Im so nervous!

EDIT: Why does blogspot say that I post my blogs at like 2.50 A.M its 11.45 A.M. Thanks for making me look like a sad insomniac all this time blogspot.

Hip hop tours,Clarkson and Composer!

HARRRRVEY NORMAN!! MASSIVE BUMPER CHRISTMAS BLOG EDITION!!

I had so many ideas for the blog this time that, one, I felt that i must be bleeding ideas dry and soon Ill have none left and, two, I created a blog idea folder on my phone cos theyre too hard to remember. So here we go, ten spin hits in a row (*whispers* ten spin hits in a row) ten spin.. WE KNOW!!!

1. Jeremy Clarkson is an arrogant prick.. but my gawd is he entertaining. With his witty puns, cynical comments and plain offensive interjections he entertains the face off you! If he can be famous for being arrogant then I think there is a carreer there for me...

2. Ticket inspectors on Bus Eireann?? Pointless...

3. Contrary to popular belief, Greasy hair does have some advantages over clean hair:

Greasy hair does not get itchy in hats as it has a layer of lubrication against the hat.

It is basically self styling and self holding. Fuck fructis hold or any of that, pure natural grease is unmovable and once you roll out of bed? well theres todays style.

You can have a badass mullet.

4. "I had women, wine, party time and everything that matters." A fantastic lyric about all everyone wants. Thank you Zutons!!

5. This leads me on to my next point. Recently I have found that the songs making it into the Irish carts contain absolutely terrible lyrics. A few examples should make my point clear:

Katy Perry, Hot n Cold reached number one: "someone call the doctor got a case of love bi polar stuck on a rollercoaster...your hot and your cold, yes no, hot cold hot cold hot..." This would have been witty and entertaining had it been about my shower but otherwise...

Akon, Right now: I wanna make up right now na na,I wanna make up right now na na,wish we never broke up na na na na na" STOP IT AKON OR ILL SMACK THAT!! BY THAT I MEAN YOU.
Basically Cop the fuck on Irish people.

6. Laptops are a college students best friend and worst enemy. When you need to do a project really quickly and they are there to add images and arrange things my gawd do you love them. But when you are trying to study and Internet explorer is open? Well you may as well forget it, what with bubbleshoter and all.

7. Did you enjoy Hop on Hop off tour buses? If so you will love Hip-Hop tour buses. "Wassup Niggaz? up on yo left fool is the hip the hap happening government buildings where they is trippn dawg! Aight Bitch I aint take no questions, read the bling girl! *shows bling saying I aint take no Questions!". ohh we can all dream...

8. I hate bus Eireann express buses mainly because they are not express, they save you no time and they just dont go through Jtown. And the driver?? Oh he has been marked for death what with his "no only naas!!!". The battle rages on..

9. *notes that 3rd person narrative conversations are entertaining*

10. My new fantasy (And no I am not revealing any other of my Fantasys) is to live in a Dutch windmill. Oh it would be just so Austrian and tranquil and Idyllic. Oh the sound of music of it all..

11.Oh My Flippin Gawd!!! Total Focking Nostalgia! Do you remember Composer on the old Nokia phones?On the old 3210 etc.? Using terrible pitch Ranges and tempo changes that no one fully understood you and your mate would sit around all day making beats. Then your more experienced street wide friend comes over and shows you how to make sandstorm and you feel bleedin rapih beacuse you have sandstorm as your ringtone! Then again that could just be the nostalgia of a Tallaght child..

12. Finally Winter is getting on my nerves!! It is becoming an epic battle between myself and the cold. It launches its attack with frost and icy winds and I defend myself with a barrage of scarfs, hats, gloves and jackets So i almost look like a lagging jacket but Damn it the wind always gets ya. Also I do not appreciate being made a fool off by icy ground.

13. Meteo*r have a star in their name for a reason. Its because of all the fucking Terms and conditions they have such as you may not make calls when you actually need to and may run out of free texts without being notified only to be left in the middle of nowhere with no lift..fuck meteor also.

Also I am considering getting tshirts printed with "fuck bus eireann" on the front and "I hate commuting on the back". Let me know if your interested (Note: Karl is not actually responsible for supplying,creating or actually doing anything regards the tshirts and may point out it was just a joke. Terms and conditions apply)

Begging,Obesity and fantastic sayings!

Well Kiddies its time for another grand look at the social scenes I observe everyday. Hit it DJ mad scone!



1. Internet Explorer Cannot Display The Page:



The most likely reasons for this are:



(a) Internet explorer is wayy too lazy to open the page for you.

(b) You are in a rush and Internet Explorer knows this therefore is trying to make you late.

(c) Your name is Karl Purcell and Internet Explorer simply doesnt like you

(d) You are trying to download Mozilla in order to delete Internet Explorer.



2. Why do Chineses always have a TV?

3.You know your getting fat when jiggling your thigh is a form of entertainment. There are also many other ways to know your getting fat such as using your stomach as a can holder and when your xxl tshirts are more like belly tops. But the thigh jiggle is by far the most shocking and stark.

4. I quite enjoy getting a seat to myself on the bus, to the extent that I have developed techniques to ensure I get a whole seat.

(a) There is the over used and not so effective bag gesture, by which you place your bag on the seat as if your bag needed a seat of its own.
(b) There is the angry look. To get the full effect you wait till you make eye contact with the other passenger and then look threatingly at them, they wont sit down now and if they do? well...
(c) One of the most effective but also effective at getting you kicked off is the crazy person look. If you sit in your seat and mumble things, proclaim some things louder than others, and rock back and forward you are guarenteed a seat..however your almost guarenteed to be pulled off by the guards...

5. This one goes out to the man listening to Master Of Puppets at full volume on the luas yesterday morning at 9 a.m. "MASTER!! MASTER!! WANKA!! WANKA!! Seriously save your ears and save my sanity and stop playing your music that loud. It is NOT sharing.

6. If one more begger asks more for money when im getting on the luas they will get an express journey tied to the bottom of the luas with their face exposed to the tracks.

7. This one is an oisin input (have to put this in for copyright issues in the future). Metro and Herald A.M girls that are hot, good job. If you can look hot in a massive blue or red bubble jacket then fair play.

8. Castlewarden is irrelevant.

9." A legend in his own lunch box". Probably the best comment made by a 35 year old customer about Rory Gallagher ever. Im not even quite sure what it means but I am going to use it as much as possible until it becomes one of those classic sayings like as bold as brass. Again makes no sense but people know what you mean.

The Dangers of the modern newspaper boy..and BELGIUM LESBIANS!

Its true I did consider as taking the belgium lesbians as the picture for this one but you know...tastefulness and all that

1. The men and women who sell newspapers on your local motorways put their life at risk everday. The DANGER of walking up and down between angry motorists all day, think about it they are heroes. They must be pretty slick, "hey babe I work on the side of a motorway...i know sometimes I do get scared...I think you and me should go make the headlines" You just know thats what they do after work.

2. To continue on the subject of those who sell papers, they must be geniuses with super current up to date knowledge as they spend their life with papers in their hand. Its time we rerouted the knowledge economy, it is time for the rising of the NEWS VENDORS!!!! well actually they are all usually foreign and cant even read the paper so my theory may have a few flaws.

3. Something else really getting on my nerves lately is the fact that rappers cannot shut the fuck up!! Once they have rapped their little bit, instead of letting the singer get on with it they are

throwing uin "uhs, yeahs, whats, okays" at any given time.

4. Me getting on bus: Hey can I have a student return ticket please?

Bus Eireann driver: Student ID?

Me: Its right there.

Driver: Theres actually no student fare.

ME: hold on *takes out offer detailing student fares.

Driver: Machine is broke.

Me: Prick(whispered)..whatever

Bus Eireann you have finally crossed the line. Just you wait until I make a remake of the film Speed but for real with a bus full of your drivers and directors just you wait...

5. Lately I have been having some pretty disturbing thought processes. I need to clarify before I start that I didnt and wouldnt do any of them and secondly I have common sense.

(a) Sitting on the bus on the way home beside a typical office working 30 or so woman I began to think hmm I could just slap her iif I wanted to. She wasnt annoying me or anything. I thought yeah I could just raise my hand and slap her one. I thought about it for a second and then stopped and realised what I had just considered. Scary though.

(b) In Cineworld on the top floor I considered the idea of jumping over the railing to the bottom floor. Not in a suicidal way just thinkning that the only thing actually stopping me was a tiny part of brain called common sense. It was a scary thought, what would happen if one day I just didnt consider it.

Anyway the point of this is that spending too much time commuting on your own makes you way too introspective and probably would drive you insane.

6. IMPORTANT IRISH VERB(never thought id write that): Ag Sioba= drifting. Oh yes! Chuamar go dti ag sioba. Buachailli!!!!

7. I now unfortunately consider myself a Halo nerd. I came third in a couple of deathmatches in college against proper halo nerds so...

8. Liking the Ting Tings is shameful but they are just so damn funky.

9. This blog is very serious....PENIS!!

10. Pot Luck is a savage film. However UCD French teachers dont know how to market it right to students. "oh you should come along it will improve your french" Cue the empty lecture hall. What they should have said "cmon its a film about an uptight student taking up smoking pot and has Belgium Lesbians." That is how you market a film baby!

Jtown moments that are now to be cemented into Internet immortality!!

I usually dont have the title of the blog befor I write it but this was an exception and so you are guarenteed that this post will be off the wall!! (see what i did with the pun on wall there eh eh?
were gonna kick it off in chronological order but I imagine that will have been lost by number two or three. Not that anyone will really notice...anyway on with the blog!!

1. Me skating round the estate extremly fast on his skateboard with his jacket blowing behind him trying to get the attention of Bryan and farrell.

2. This happened the first time sean and I ever met
Sean: Hi my name is sean. What the crack man?
Karl: Hi im karl. im gay....
sean: oh....ok....

3. The first two xmas's we spent in the town of J it snowed, this lead to multiple events of hilarity.
A. Myself and Oisin ran around to Kellys and were throwing snowballs when in the distance we heard the annoying hum of Shanes moped."The smell of burberry is thick in the air" I said. We took our positions behind the wall,aimed and hit the guy on the front and the guy on the back of the moped with snowballs.Classic.
B. Bryan and Paul saw the little kids making their little snowman.They waited...they had all the time in the world. Then as the kids finshed it off and went inside for a minute they made their move. Paul smashing the head in of the snowman as if it was a scumbag followed by bman kickin the body of the snowman to a pulp. You dont mess with the Harris's.
C. The whole posse was having a snowball fight in my front garden when as always I went to far and got bryan in the face with an iceball. Bryan chased me down and after some skilful eeling by me he pushed me and i fell staright on my face. that particular fall went down in history.

4. The days of skating woodies with the big gaffer!!

5. Sean climbing the scaffolding at woodies and having to drop 14 feet only to sketch it.

6.The posse cycle myself oisin and bryan went on just after getting to know one another out to Jeffs house. Ah that was all haha yeah i dont know you guys but like this is cool.

7. Oisin being introduced by his mother like a kid who has no friends in a playschool. Im sorry ush that was just hurtful..

8. Bryans neighbour..what a dick!

9. Bushjumping in the dead of night from the back of the estate all the way out of the estate that was a gauntlet.

10.Me and Bryans epic 300 recreation using old crappy pearl cymbals. THIS IS JOHNSTOWN!! I was equipped with a filthy persian knife and a longbow...Bryan on the other hand had a baseball bat.So yeah I took some long range shots and got him nicely as well as epic blocking with his cymbal shield but in close quarters bryan just whacked me with the bat and that was me finished.

11. Urban destructo ball wth ush, always a luagh and always DESTRUCTIVE!!

12.Oisin nearly dying from malnutrition and over training..that was only really funny in retrospect..

13. doing seans homework in the scum mobile.Me and the sean just siting in the back of the scum mobile chatting and solving 2nd year maths equations.

14. The scum mobile coming out and hunting sean like some kind of stazi patrol vehicle. It would park on the green and dispatch an elite team of small children specially trained to hunt sean (i.e his brothers and sisters).

15. Me and bryan snook sean out of his when he was grounded with an ingenious plan.
Sean: This is ridicoulous, this will never work!
Karl and Bryan: Shut up and get in the whellbarrow of course it will work.
We then put our jackets over sean in the wheelbarrow and rolled sean down the street whistling as if whistling made it less obvious.

16. Bin of wonder!! Leaving oisin at someones door in a wheelie bin only to ring the door bell and runaway. Up pops oisin at the persons door.!hilarious.

This could go on forever now that I think of it because there is 4 years worth of material..but we shall go to 25.

17. We have many accents over the years. I mean loads:
A. Engling: Oi mate bring the baas there oiiii!!
B. Scanger: Scarle' for ya chicken! douvi'
C. Deco: Ah yeah f-f-f-f-f-f-f-fine machine!
D. Unknown: down the stow oh yeah get some of that into yahhh up the yard!
E. Wigga: What you playin at fool?
F. Mc Hawking: gta 3 is like the sims to me, a real life simulator cos thats where id be

18. Singing and quoting flight of the conchords and mc hawking at any possible moment.

19. Bryan and oisin coming home from amazing holidays full of adventure...and then telling you nothing for months.

20. Sean: I had it out for ages.......big yellow gates.

21.Running up the matrix hill outside jtown gardens humming some generic stunt music.

22. Playing footy with the latvians and havin martin and janis destroy us everytime.

23. Janises going home party. Heart breaking and full of emotions but the best fun i think I have ever had. Running around tying people up in tissue paper,dancing in the kitchen, footy at like 3.am on the green waking up brenda donoghue.

24. 360 flipping the 3 set!!!!haha

25. Doing ridicoulously stupid things in centra is just part of how we spend time in jtown. Here are some examples:
A. Dancing in the aisles to the horrible choice of music that centra always have.
B. Getting free ice cream from seanie or getting anything free. Or in some cases just plain stealing like the pick and mix is just to easy.
C. Stealing cosmo and finding out that oisin is a Cosmo dick which in recent times has been proven time and time again.
D. Playing with the toys they have in there, that was classic.
E. In the early days buying callipos and chilling in front f centra on their tables with tim buying us loads of free shit.
F. My favourite centra moment though was when me an oisin got on my gas mask and pumkin head mask and went in and scared the shit out of time. He nearly pressed the panic button when he saw us.

26. Being uber schmad in Seans, just like the english accent thing does this make us actually mad now?

Good Times!!

One liners, Tv liscences and as always commuting!

Commuters out there, you all need to take a crash course in logic!

1. The luas, for the record, is not actually a record breaking attempt to see how many people you can squash into a confined area. I felt that I actually had to clarify this after my recent experience. "oh look theres hardly any room on that luas..ah sure i could fit in there". When people are oiling themselves up to try and slip onto the luas you know its too packed, just get the next one!!

2.College basketball is as hard as they make it look in all great American Films.

3. I'd love to meet the T.V liscence inspector and try and think of an excuse he hasnt heard. It Would be epic, Karl Vs. Faceless Government inspector on top of mount vesuvious. I would battle him with ridicoulous excuses such as "I had one but then i shoved it up the last inspectors hole!!". Then we would battle with those gladiator poles over the volcanoe...These are just things I think of when I hear that ad.

4. Fanta Exotic is like travelling to a tropical island in your mouth...but then you get to the end of it and see the chemical scum on the bottom of the bottle, so its more like going to a tropical island where chemical waste is dumped...Still damn tasty though.

5. some girl in college said I sound american. Geez guys I dont sound like totally American do I?

6. I have now compiled a Kidnapping list (with the help of ash). Below is that list with the reason for kidnapping:

1. Rise against: Damn their infectious anger punk is just handy to have whenever you want it.

2. Horatio Caines Glasses: In an ideal situation I would kidnap Horatio himself but then i thought for a second and realised that he would just arrest with me with a slick line and id never get away with it.

3. Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley: For interesting mudfights and extravagant entrys to parties with them on both arms. ( in fairness to ash she had nothing to do with this one).

4. Flight of the conchords: Imagine instant humour, they make it a possibility.

7. One of my most recent and favourite country type one liners I thought of is: "Just like Ruby Walsh, I dont ride losers!"

8. My phone broke while writing this blog. Why does every techonological thing I touch just break? I am like a human computer virus.